Entry Level Heiress

The End of Paris Hilton, Proof # 513

Tina Fey, of 30 Rock, was on Howard Stern this morning dishing about former celebs she hated. One in particular will surely get you ROTF. When conversation turned to Paris Hilton, Tina let it all hang out. The following excerpt taken from CityRag:

Tina said the hosts are usually great, but every couple of years you get a bad one - like Paris Hilton who was a "piece of shit"!

Tina didn't hold back on how much she and the cast hated Paris. We transcribed some of her hilarious comments...

She said Paris had "the hair of a fraggle", and left "nasty wads of Barbie hair on the floor" from her "cheap weave"!

Tina caught Paris's giant man hands and said they were as long as her forearm.

More, Why Paris is a skank, after the jump...

How To Bitch Like A Pro...

Here's some bitchiness from the South. Taken from David Magazine (it's like HotSpots and HX).

Why are there so many bipolar gay men? Take your meds and stop all the drama!

Ahh the rudeness of gay men. If you decide not to see someone again, at least have the courtesy to say so! Why do you have to disappear without a word?...

Hats are hot on guys, but don't remove it if you're bald.

Don't tell me you're into safe sex, then as soon as we get into bed, you say it's OK without one. If it's not wrapped, it's not entering...

I had sex with my best friend while my boyfriend was passed out drunk. Maybe it's time he lays off the booze and gets out of the bars.

Why is it that after Gay Pride, we take down our rainbow flags? If we're so proud, we ought to leave them up.

PS The man above has nothing to do with this story but, who cares right?

How To Put Any YouTube Video On Your iPod

They said it couldn't be done. Ready to download every last Madonna video, appearance, concert clip, and candid moment from YouTube? Here's how to do it. Once you've downloaded the software, it takes one step. Thanks go to TechCrunch for the tip.   

Windows Users Download here.

Mac Users Download here. (Although you have to use Safari.)

Once you've downloaded the player (I had to download the latest version of Stuffit's Expander to "unstuff" the download) you double click the program, and navigate your web browser (Safari for macs) to the YouTube video site with the video you want (example) you want. Then click "Get Video"

After that, everything is automatic. You wait a few minutes while it downloads, then it "encodes" (whatever that is) then, VOILA! It's listed in your Movies and PodTube playlist on iTunes. Whenever you dock your iPod it will then be available.

Former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani in Drag

In a news piece by the Daily News, it's reported that Rudolph Giuliani will start the process of running for President in '08. I applaud him and look forward to a Presidential race that will rival the Whitney-Bobby marriage of '05. Why will it be such a roller coaster?

In the clip below, Rudy dresses in drag as The Donald "necks" with him. It should also be disclosed that when Rudy left his second wife, he lived with two gay men and their Chihuahua. Fieeeeeerce! He's also pro gay rights.

He's also a Catholic, which, historically hasn't been good for elections. Plus he's pro-choice, anti-gun, and a Republican. He's as twisted up as a Log Cabin Republican.

This might be the first time I vote Republican.

 

One Night In Britney's Cavernous Kooch

File this under: Why would I want to see that?

Maybe I'm the only one who hasn't seen "One Night In Paris", (NSFW) Pamela's sex romp with Tommy Lee, or any other straight celeb porn with bad production and lame camera angles. (Okay so I did check out Limp Bizkit's porn, but like I said, totally piss poor angles. You could barely make out which one had the penis.)

So, why would I want to check out Britney's rotund stomach (pronounced stom-atche in honor of "Borat") making babies with K-Fed's crooked penis? According to Salon.com Kevin Fedderfuck is trying to peddle a porn of the two together and is getting offers of up to $50m. Apparently, Britney giving him half of their lavish LA mansion wasn't enough for Kevin's limp biscuit. He is trying to leverage the porn for more money in their divorce settlement. I wonder if there was anyone who approved of her marriage to this no talent backup dancer.

Let this be a lesson to all you ladies and heart-on-sleeve homos out there. When all your friends sing in chorus that the man you've given your poonanny heart to is a goldigging crack addict, listen. Just think WWBD (What Would Britney Do?) Then do the complete opposite.

Lil Wayne Engaged In Liplock With Down Low Thug

Lil Wayne was photo'd kissing another thug recently. MediaTakeout.com was the first on the scene to snap this latest Down Low shenaniganz. Lil Wayne likes to roll hard core but has a soft side for thugs with a bald head.

Ryan Phillippe "I'm Not A Perfect Person" (I disagree. Have you seen his abs?)

Ryan Phillippe admits he's not a perfect person. Does that mean he cheated on Reese Witherspoon? Could it be that his pride would not allow himself to bow down to his Oscar winning actress wife? She earns, oh, around $10m a movie while his last indie film brought in about $700/day. I wonder if she had him on an allowance?

Anyway, I would like to start a petition, "Ryan Phillippe is a perfect man." Just take a look at these photos.

Yes that is a picture of his daughter on his dog tag!! Sooooo sweet!

I'm Back Bitches!

A few weeks ago I decided to take a PR job with a popular skin care company. What I didn't know was that they would own me and my time. As an heiress with a penchant for watching The View strictly at Noon with my lunch, I had to say good bye to said skin care company. I thought I'd be on the case blogging and such, but they didn't even give me a computer at that job. Lemme tell you. Me, without a computer is a VERY bad idea.

I clicked on the blogosphere and shit man, what happened?

Britney dumped Kevin. Reese and Ryan are officially splitsville. Doogie dropped the soap and came up with a boyfriend.
Rumsfeld's gone. The democrats are in power. All in the world is right again. Now why can't I get this fuckin' song out of my head?

Where is the Heiress?

Where is the heiress? Well he be working for the rest of the week. I'll try and post at night. Otherwise, I'll see you guys on Monday.

In the meantime here's the gayest referee ever!