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Afternoon Delights

Sometimes the New York Times scores with a life changing story.. this morning's piece on allofmp3.com is just that story...It's an alternative to iTunes, selling MP3's for ridiculously cheap prices. Ex: Madonna's "Confessions on a Dancefloor", $1.59! NYTimes

THIS IS MAGIC? "Illusionist David Copperfield is planning to go one better than rival David Blaine by impregnating a woman live onstage." I saw that in Amsterdam once! Hollywood

Thank God! "I don't know if children are in the cards for me. It wouldn't be fair to a child to be born a celebrity." Even if Mariah Carey wasn't a celebrity, it wouldn't be fair to the little spawn. Pg.6 (PS Mariah's tour tickets go on sale today...)

Oh hellll no! Jay-Z wants to open a big casino in Las Vegas. He obviously thinks owning a casino is like building a MySpace page. I give the venture less than a year. DailyNews

TMZ has this report: "Larry Flynt's Schnauzer Bit Me!" In related news, Mariah Carey's pussy gnawed on my leg!

Afternoon Delights

Anna Nicole Smith-preggers? The rumors are piling up faster than a trash can at the West Side Club...
Here's da daddy...

Ananova

Dixie Chicks are getting old...not even photoshop could "lift" the sagging lines around their faces...btw, they had the #1 album last week. Profusion123

David Beckham laughs off a Punk'd-style kidnap performed by his teammate. Later, he laughs off a West Side Club-style bound and gag! TheSun

Jessica Simpson enters therapy...sealing her new life as a socialite-shopping, therapy appointments, and fabulous lunches. Nat'lEnquirer

Gay marriage in New York reaches its pinnacle of decision. Start planning your Tiffany's registry biyotches! And don't forget P-R-E-N-U-P!!! 429 News 

Afternoon Delights

Liz Taylor announces that she does not have alzheimer's disease. Then asks where she is and, "How the hell did all you people get into my living room?!" AP

Nick Lachey lowers his settlement request from $8m to $5m so he can get the cash from his ATM Jessica quicker. PostChronicle 

Why do straight boys take all our good ideas? First pomade? Now bathroom stalls? Details magazine maps out the best bathroom stalls are in NYC...Pg.6

Kevin Spacey stars in the most exensive movie ever...they had to digitally manipulate him to look like a straight man...DailySnack

Didn't want to spend $350 for a ticket to see Madonna's latest show? Let NBC pay for it. They're in talks to pay Madonna $15m to air the show. 429News

Afternoon Delights

Mayor Bloomberg has come out against anti gay marriage legislation for NYC. In related news, the uppity Upper West Side gays throw a parade! 429 News

Why is it that Oprah snubbed rappers and "keepin' it real" blacks? Pen15 has your breakdown of Oprah's Legends Ball.

Jennifer Aniston is planning her move to The Big Apple to "feel like a normal person again." Right, because us New Yorkers are real salt-of-the-earth-type people. Hollywood

Not since Jesus has a baby been so eagerly anticipated. (Referring to Brangelina's baby.) That baby better walk on water and start turning Lake Ontario into a nice Merlot.

Nicole Richie's boney body is now nicely covered in some fat. Too bad she's already on the phone with Jenny Craig! Sky

Afternoon Delights

Paris is a slut. That's not news. Paris dresses like a slut. Shit, that's not news either! Paris' nipple is slippin all over. Crap! Still not news. Oh well, if you wanna see some tit just click. Egotastic

Ricki Lake is baaaack. This time the trashy guests on her show will all be celebrities. StarPulse

Wasn't coffee, especially the Venti Starbucks kind, bad for a pregnant woman. Britney your child has no chance. Bricks and Stones

Okay folks I'm boarding a plane...have a fab weekend!

Afternoon Delights

"Fat Dad" wins American Idol...people are outraged...young children learn America's first lesson, your vote doesn't count and probably won't be counted...(oooooh am I bitter this morning!?) WashingtonPost

Now that Ashley's lobbed off her nose, she looks an awful lot like her sister. Jessica has taken notice...round 1 of the rivalry... DING DING! Star

Everyone's favorite Gossip Granny, Liz Smith, breaks Madonna's "Confessions Tour" down fo ya! Pg.6

Carrie Underwood needs a new makeup artist. Her face and neck are two completely different races...oh yeah and she won two CMA awards...Nat'lEnquirer

Paris was banned from Vanity Fair's party again. This time it was the Cannes affair. Profusion123

Afternoon Delights

Odds are-your American Idol just might have grey hair, a fat gut, and a goofy smile. No its not your father... AP

Throwdown alert...Kristin Cavallari vs. Jessica Simpson. They're taking off the earings and rolling up the sleeves. Top prize?...Nick Lachey... Nat'lLedger

Experts are weighing in on Tom Hanks' new growth of luscious hair...I'd say its your standard hair transplant...Pg.6

Many of your favorite Desperate Housewives will get the boot at the end of this season...only to end up on the next season of The Surreal Life. JBB

Michelle Williams portrays lesbionic love with Cate Blanchett, all while Heath Ledger watches...PEN15

Afternoon Delights

Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaugn are considering moving to Australia to avoid all the paparazzi. I wonder who else we could get to move out of America? Hollywood

J-Lo's celebrity has dropped down a level. She will now be known as J-Lo, Reality TV star...Nat'l Enquirer

Journalists who ask Clay Aiken about his alleged gay romps at tonight's American Idol finale will find themselves barred from the event. My stategy, ask etiquette questions: "What's the best way to help a friend push in his stool?" GoodAsYou

Why is outed former NJ Gov. Jim McGreevey single? Maybe because he thinks book stores and rest stops are "wholly unfulfilling and morally unsatisfactory." What?! Oh, you mean shallow and shady? Okay... GayExpressNews

Paris Hilton is a hooker. So how much does she cost? Up to $1m for a party, says Roger Friedman. PageSix

Afternoon Delights

Reports show that half of all gay relationships in Sydney are not monogomous...suddenly that honeymoon in Australia doesn't look like such a good idea does it? 429 News

Put that in your pipe and smoke it Jessica! Nick Lachey's first week sales for his album "What's Left of Me," sold more copies than any of Jessica's. HitsDailyDouble

Outed former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey, will sit down with Oprah and talk about what's going on in his life as of late...hey McGreevey, you gonna talk about that Fire Island house you bought on Ocean Walk, two seconds after you walked out on your wife? Or how about the parties you throw for roughnecks out by the pool, all while you wear your yellow banana hammock speedos?  PageSix

Brangelina just sold the rights to the pictures of their first born to Us Weekly...in semi related news, Tom Cruise just sold the placenta to Modern Science magazine. Sky

Jack Ozbourne will pen his autobiography (note "autobiography" and not "memoir," memoirs were so last year). What in the hell is someone who is 21 going to tell me about life, let alone their life? StarPulse

Afternoon Delights

Nicole Kidman announces her engagement to country music shit-kicker Keith Urban...also confirming Nicole is done with her social climbing. Hollywood

Pamela Anderson: "For your best orgasm ever, go vegetarian." Then how do you suggest I eat my meat? The Sun

Mandy Moore's record company is stalling her new album because her new sound is much too "edgy." What record company is she with? Candy Land Enterprises? StarPulse

From BryanboyFableux "Camilla in a GAY Scandal and Willian finds out her shocking secret. What? Camilla is a man? Old news baby. I bet you a million dollars that Camilla DOES have a penis and Charles loves taking it up the shitter. Next!"

TMZ's got the dish on Janet's new diet...Something's a bit fishy though, I didn't see purge anywhere in the list of acceptable meals...TMZ