Entry Level Heiress

MarKo Does The Globes:... I just wanna shoot her in the face with a super soaker...

Alright … Alright!......ALRIGHT! ….. So I know I have been slacking with my reporting …… I do apologize …. Well today we’re going to talk about the red carpet of the Golden Globes … since I don’t believe in the best or worst, I’m going just talk about cute or not cute … Keep it simple ….

America Ferrera

Let’s start with America Ferrera in her purple gown by Brian Reyes …. We have to agree this Betty is not that ugly but being a new found celebrity she has not found her “slimming” paparazzi pose … One can only hope for next year

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

Next contestant on “What Were They Thinking” ….. Miss Angelina Jolie - Thorton - Pitt ….. I understand that you are the “face” of St. John’s, but like every job you should leave your work at home ….. the gown is less than flattering … It looks like it’s covering a set of  “Shiloh sucked on “ saggy ass breast …. Miss Jolie you are FIERCE and your body is pumping … It is your duty , as being a role model to all trannies, to give us effect…. I did attempt to contact her and let her know, but brad screamed at me telling me “it’s 2:30 in the morning F@#! off!” …. Nice language Brad….. NEXT!

Sienna Miller

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this gown …. It’s very that! …. When you think of this dress the words: modern, wearable couture should pop into your head …. The make up is soft and classy , and we’ll choke up her hair to the fact that she’s British…. We say choke cause that’s what she should do to her stylist  …. It’s ok girl you got 2 out of 3 …. NEXT!

More MarKo's Lowdown after the jump...

One Very Sexy Man

The POWER to Choose

It looks like Marko has seen An Inconvenient Truth. Today's column is about how to do your part to save the environment-in a way only he could tell it.

Recently it was brought to my attention by one of my clients that you can actually change the way you power your house …. We all need to do our part to help the environment …… Did you know that NYC offers GREEN POWER service …. Meaning you can get your electric supply thru nature! …. When electricity is generated from renewable resources….. such as wind, sun, water, or biomass (what this is I have no clue but it makes me sound smart) …

Nicole Richie's Tanning Strike

Nicole Richie says " I had enough of this war, starving children..... And um
violence..... I think it is time I do something about it... I mean I am an
icon/role model right?" .... I am so happy to hear that she is going to use
her star status power for good .... Nicole said she will be on a tanning
strike .... Yes that means she will tan until there is peace, children fed,
and violence is under control .... She also wanted us to tell her fans not
to worry she will be using a 15 spf .... She does not want to age ... I took
this photo to mark the first day of her strike ... Remember you heard it
here FIRST ... I'm MarKo and this is my lowdown 

Airports. Fun trip? Or just a big unwanted headache?

Welcome back Marko, freshly released from his cryogenic preservation chamber aka Orlando.

I think people should have to get a travel license …. Where you have to complete a course on proper flying ….Since I doubt that would happen any time soon I decided to write and publish MarKo’s Guide to a Civilized Flight which is due to hit news stands early next spring …. The book is going to contain helpful hints from packing, to seat relocating,  passing liquids through security checkpoints, to scamming an upgrade for your rental car …. Yes honey! A jeep Cherokee for the price of a Neon …. Since the book won’t be released for a few more months I have decided to give ELH readers a sneak preview…..

MarKo In All His 'Loli'ness

...Con Loli

MaRkO's Debut

Photoblog after the jump...

Loli Is Being Stalked

Saturday night the infamous Loli performed at a local downtown night club.
She was rushed off stage by security when a DF ("Deranged Fan") pushed through
the crowd screaming "Loli!" .... In the process of working his way to the
front, the DF knocked numerous beverages out of innocent bystanders' hands .....
Eyewitnesses say the crowd was "pulsating" ... "it was as if that lunatic's
energy rippled out," commented one of Loli's devoted fans, Quamin Ellis .....
Ellis traveled high and far, from Chelsea to the LES (Lower East Side), to see Loli ....
Unfortunately, security was not able to restrain the DF .... The club's owner
released a photo that was taken by the club's security camera .... The
police issued a warning to be on the look out .... Since the DF technically
didn't break any laws all they can do is tell people to keep an eye on this
character....

This is MarKo's Low Down

MarKo is currently a colorist at Sally Hershberger in Manhattan's Meatpacking District. You can read more about his work in this month's issue of Marie Claire magazine.

Screen grab provided by The Manhattan Offender

Gymlemma

Here's an excerpt from the latest Marko's Lowdown. Check out the whole post on ELH after the jump.

…… I was a member of David Barton Gym. My membership was coming to an end and I decided I was not happy with the location, or their members. I was over the whole “Chelsea” scene , you know, men over 40 wearing kids clothes from A&F , big muscles , which in turn makes them THINK they’re “butch” …. Then they talk and out falls a Louis Vuitton bag and a bouquet of cheap carnations. So. Like I was saying, I decided I need to switch gyms ….

MaRkO's Lowdown: Final Say On The Oscars

Sunday night was a perfect example that you can have a ton of money, beauty that make people envious and still look like shit  ….. I believe you all know I’m talking about Charlize … that hair honey … looks like road kill attached to the head smooth over with a Mason Pearson brush add 1 can of Bold Hold hair spray ….. Thank god for Reese she finally has a great colorist who turned her hair out … what a gorgeous shade of blonde! …. THANK YOU BABY! .... Next Miss Beyonce in that Loreal ad. …..  Now come on … what the hell was that??? … I have seen first time drag queens in a circus giving you less of a clown.  …. Intense colors should really be left for crayons and old lady felt blazers.  ……. I am all about color but finger painting your face is just not a look anyone should go for …… Miss Dolly Parton. …. What can you say.  …. She had ribs removed for fashion… that bitch is FIERCE! ….  Every woman needs the number to her plastic surgeon cause she is like 70 and looks hott!! ..... Now don’t get me wrong, but who forgot to tell Queen Latifah that your body is supposed to be darker than your face. ….. Her bronzer stops at her neck …… also I thought we learned from J-LO 3 years ago skin and hair color should differ otherwise you look too monochromatic in turn equals sallow. ….. Uma ! …. Girl! …. Your hair looks fierce your makeup is has a great glow but that heavy eye … What is that? …..  She looks like Bill punched her in both eyes ….. Please remember it’s a “WHOLE” look …… Keanu if you think that your natural hair color is black your wrong. …. Its ok for men to have grays! …. Keanu Looks very Munchichi … Rachel Weisz. …. Now there is a perfect example of eveningwear makeup … it’s classy, soft, beautiful…. And she knows it … look at the confidence in her smile … she says I look and feel Great!! 

Thanks MaRkO!
MaRkO is a Celebrity Colorist who currently turns color out for clients in NYC